Nico, The Sue Slayer
by Dextra
Summary: Nico is fed up with all these Mary Sues wanting to date him. Will he stand up for himself this time, and finally figure out how to destroy this dreaded beast? You never know what Mary is going to do next. One-shot.


Nico di Angelo ran through the forest as fast as he could. He had to get away from that horrible beast, but she was gaining. It was next to impossible to out run her since she was so super fast. Nico could her high pitched screeches as she got closer. With her expertise with a sword, the great beast knocked over trees left and right. Two of them almost trapped Nico. Almost. If he was caught there would be no escape.

He didn't even try to stand and fight her because Nico knew he was no match. This monster was worst than Kronos. In fact, Nico would rather face Kronos a million times and die than fight the monster. She was _that _good.

Suddenly, fire started to shoot from her eyes, barely missing Nico. Was there anything she couldn't do? No, there wasn't. If she wanted to shoot fire from her eye sockets, she could. If she wanted resurrect Kronos just to destroy him again, she could. If she wanted to show the world that it is possible to eat eight Big Macs from McDonalds without puking in less than a half hour, she would do it. Hell, she would it twice if she felt like it.

Then, Nico came to a dead end. There was no way for him to run now. He was dead meat for sure.

A beautiful and graceful girl appeared just at that moment between two trees. It seemed like she glowed in the moonlight, even though it was only noon. She flipped her silky, midnight black hair out of her eyes. Why should she bother putting it up while running? No one would be able to see just how shiny it was, now would they? She had the most brilliant blue eyes. Like they saw into your soul. Now, Nico thought that was more creepy than beautiful.

"I know who you are," Nico muttered. "Your mother is the goddess of something related to darkness. You're extremely beautiful. You don't date ugly guys. I've never seen a single piece of dirt ever touch you. You can beat Percy in sword fighting, and you're invulnerable, too. And you keep trying to make out with me at random inconvenient times.

"Say it. Out loud," the monster responded.

Nico took a dramatic pause for effect. Hey, this could be made into a movie. You never know.

"Mary Sue," he said finally and the dramatic music was cued in.

The Mary Sue drew in a deep breath and exhaled. "Are you afraid?"

"No." Nico shook his head and turned to look at her. He was almost blinded by the brightness that radiated off of her.

The Mary Sue zoomed around in circles, before stopping right in front of Nico. Why she couldn't have just walked over to him, Nico would never know.

"I am designed to bring great torture to canon characters," she said and picked up a stick and threw to show him how strong he was. Le gasp! A stick! Ohhh, she was so badass. "I've tortured canon characters before," she continued.

"I'm not scared of you," Nico said and the Sue zoomed around with her super speed again.

"My family, we're different from others of our kind. We only feed off the dark and emo characters," she said from somewhere up in a high tree.

Nico just stood there like an idiot and stared at her. Mary Sue hopped down out of the tree and took a few steps towards him. Nico felt like he couldn't move as she got closer. She cupped his face in her hands and leaned her head closer towards his.

"We just met like an hour ago at a bus stop!" Nico said but the Mary Sue didn't listen to him.

"Nico, Nico, Nico. This is fanfiction. Reality doesn't really exist. At this rate, we could be married tomorrow if we catch the next plane to Vegas!"

Nico tried to pull away but the Sue was too strong. He was going to be forced to marry a girl that he only met an hour ago.

"Then you can make love to me all night. Without protection. Protection is for smart people! And I will become pregnant. Not with one baby, with two. We'll have twins! One boy and one girl! You better start thinking of some baby names, my sweet, lumpy teddy bear." And the Mary Sue continued to gush for hours about the life she will have with Nico.

Nico had enough. He had enough of being paired with dozens of Mary Sues. He has twenty-seven wives already, for crying out loud! Does he really need another?

"No. I had it with you and the other Mary Sues. For once, in the history of all fanfiction, I am going to think for myself," Nico stated firmly.

"Nico, baby. You don't want to do that," she tried to persuade him. Nico pushed her away.

"I don't love you. And I never will," Nico said and the Mary Sue's eyes widened with fear.

"You did not just say that, did you?" she asked, her voice was trembling. Nico nodded and the Mary Sue let out a shrill scream of agony. "I'm melting!"

Nico just stood there and watched the Mary Sue melt into the ground until nothing was left but her fashionable clothes. Even though she was invulnerable, she still needed to have one weakness. And her weakness was being unloved.

* * *

**A/N: How was it? I know my grammar isn't perfect, but this was the best I could do with it. And I know it was kind of short, but this is a one-shot and a parody. Anyway, I hoped you found this at least somewhat amusing. Thanks for reading. :)**


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